Stay
by Rarecase
Summary: KotOR. The Mandalorians are plowing through Republic ranks and the military is recruiting everyone they can get. Carth is called from his leave and forced into battle, but Morgana doesn't want him to go.


**Stay.**

_I ran as fast as I could, my eyes darting from one direction to another, searching for my husband. The loud and annoying sounds__ of blaster fire -- both from our soldiers and the enemy soldiers -- burrowed into my ear, causing a headache. I ducked reflexively as I heard the deafening boom of a grenade; I could feel the wave of heat envelop me as I ran._

_I knew that if I stayed still, I would be able to find him more easily, but if I stopped, the Mandalorians would catch me. I tried to compensate for this by screaming his name as loud as I could, though my words were easily lost among the screeches of pain made by mangled soldiers. The more and more I yelled, the sorer my throat got, but still, I persevered; I would find my husband no matter what the __cost._

_As hopeless as the situation was, still I screamed his name, though my voice was so weak with hopelessness and over-use that it had been reduced to a small croak. As my eyes darted in every direction, they settled on something significant -- there! A splash of orange, surrounded by the colours of terrain and the crimson red colour of blood._

_The colour of my husband's jacket having ignited my hope, I ran towards it, crying his name, a relieved smile stealing its way onto my face. Once I reached him, I knelt down into the mud and placed his body in my lap._

"_Carth," I said softly, my voice full of love and relief. Though he looked to be hurt and was stained in blood, he was safe, here, with me. I gently turned his face towards my own, wanting to see his soft brown eyes look into mine, as we did so often._

_As his face tilted towards mine however, I noticed something wrong. His eyes, which were normally alight when he looked at me, seemed dark. His lips, which should have been twitching into a small, satisfied smile by now, was wide-open, as if in shock. I puzzled over these details, trying to discern the reason as to why he was acting this way. Then, it came to me:_

_Dead._

_Carth was dead._

_Carth, my husband, my love, the father of my child, was dead._

_Once I came to this realization, my mouth opened in shock, matching Carth's. My eyes began welling up with tears, and my mouth began to close, though it was only to deform itself into the horrible frown that comes when one is crying. My finger traced his jaw line, and I noticed that his skin had turned cold._

"_Carth," I said in desperation, the name pushing me into further despair. "Carth?"_

* * *

"Carth!"

I woke with a start, my eyes snapping open. I looked down, and noticed that my chest was heaving up and down, and the only sound to be heard was my fevered breath. Unfortunately, I was drenched in sweat; I suppose that the adrenaline from my dream had accompanied me to my waking hours. Unless --

As soon as the thought had entered my mind, my head snapped to my side, where, thank the Force, Carth was snoring quietly. It _was_ just a dream then. I sighed with relief, then smiled slightly. After looking at him for a few moments, I lay back in bed, wrapping my arm around him and setting my head on his chest. Before long, I was drifting towards sleep again, the comforting beat of his heart like a lullaby.

* * *

"When's breakfast going to be ready Mommy?"

My son, Dustil, looked up at me eagerly, obviously hungry. "In a little bit," I told him, smiling. "Can't you wait a little longer?"

Dustil crossed his arms across him chest and pouted. "No."

I laughed, and looked back to the meal that I was making. I wasn't lying; breakfast would be done soon. As I inhaled, taking in the delicious smell of the food, I noticed my son run out of the kitchen; something seemed to have caught his eye. Despite myself, I smiled.

"Daddy?" I heard Dustil say. So that's what he had seen: his father. I turned down the heat, then followed my son's previous steps.

I walked into the room just in time to see Carth say, "Daddy's going out for a little bit, ok?" He had bent down on his knees to Dustil's level, and was smiling at the young child. Though he tried to mask it with his expression, I could tell that something was on his mind.

"Where are you going?" the little boy asked his father.

"Yes, where _are_ you going?" I interjected, a skeptical look on my face.

Upon hearing my voice, Carth immediately rose, his face apologetic and worried at the same time; though I could tell that he was trying his hardest to hide it. "I, uh, I --" he stuttered, the way he always did when he was flustered. "-- it's nothing. I'll be back soon."

"Carth --" I started, but before I could continue, he was out the door.

"But Daddy," Dustil shouted at the door, "don't you want breakfast?"

* * *

Carth walked briskly; though he wanted to get this done as soon as possible, he also wanted to avoid the guilt he felt at brushing off Morgana the way he did. But, in his defense, he didn't want to worry his wife; she was already preoccupied with the war as it was, and he didn't want her to worry about his joining any battles until it was confirmed. She was already worried enough as it was.

Carth had been called to the local Telosian Security Force base; one of his bosses wanted a word with him, and Carth had a good idea of what it was about. Even though the family man was on leave, he probably _was_ going to be called into war. And who could blame them? Soldiers were scarce and the Mandalorians were plowing through the Republic's ranks; everyone who would or could fight was needed. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt; he didn't want to leave his family all alone during a war.

Carth must have been lost in thought for longer than he expected to be, for before he knew it, he had reached the militia's base. Knowing that he could not speak to his superiors when such thoughts were on his mind, he shook his head, as if to shake off the excess stress and worry, as one would shake off water. And, without a further thought, he stepped into the building.

* * *

I sat in my chair, sipping my caffa and preoccupied in my thoughts. The sounds of Dustil and his friends' laughter sounded quiet due to the distance between them and me. After eating breakfast with his usual vigor, though the meal had been laden with questions about his father, Dustil had run out the door with the shouted promise of being home for lunch.

Though I loved him, my son was not the one who was occupying my current thoughts -- Carth was. He had obviously been hiding something from me this morning and it worried me. He rarely kept secrets.

I thought about the war and wondered if Carth's hasty departure had anything to do with it. I knew that, at some point, he _was_ going to go to battle. If not because the planetary militia sent him, then because he wouldn't be able to stand the injustice anymore; he could barely stand the Mandalorians as it was.

I just wished that he didn't have to leave at all.

The soft, sudden hiss of an opening door brought me away from my thoughts. I looked to my side and saw my husband, Carth, walk into the room. He looked grim.

"Hello," I greeted him, smiling at his arrival.

He looked up from the ground in my direction. "Hey," he replied. Something seemed to be on his mind.

"Where were you?" I asked.

"I was… I was at the base." He seemed to be looking right through me; his eyes were fixed on something far away.

I noticed this and bit my lip, concerned. "Dustil was asking where you were."

At the mention of his son, Carth's head jerked upwards. "He was?"

"Yes," I told him.

We were both silent for a few moments. Myself, I was wondering as to why he looked so far away; I think that I knew the answer, I was just afraid to admit it. Though I knew that I couldn't shy away from the truth, I wanted to – shy away, that is.

Despite my doubts, I asked the question anyways. "Carth?" I said quietly and tentatively. My husband looked up at me. "Wh – Why were you… Why were you there?"

Immediately, he looked downwards; this was what I had been afraid of. "I…" he began, sighing and running his hand through his short hair. "I was… They called me."

I frowned. "That's not the answer I was looking for, Carth."

He sighed. "I know."

Despite my best efforts, my eyes began to tear up; I bit deeper into my lip, trying to prevent the liquid from falling. I stepped forward and took my husband's hand, grasping it loosely and stroking his skin with my thumb. "Carth," I said in a quiet, desperate tone that made him look right at me. "Carth, tell me, please."

He looked away.

"Carth."

He pulled his hand away from mine and turned around; he couldn't face me anymore.

"Carth, tell me! Please," I pleaded, though I already knew the answer by now. "You don't need… You can't hide it from me forever! I _know_ that you're going to join the war effort!"

He turned around, eyes wide for a moment. He looked from me to the ground, then ran his hand through his hair. "I never could hide things from you," he said with slight amusement.

Despite the situation, I smiled. "You're a horrible liar."

Carth smiled at me, then brought the two of us back to our conversation. "Morgana, I – you – you don't understand. I _need_ to join the effort. To protect you, to protect Dustil –"

"Can't you do that here? Why can't you stay on Telos?"

"I – it's not just about us, Morgana! There are other people in the galaxy, other people that the Republic has to defend!"

"The _Republic_ – not you! Carth, please –"

But my husband had had enough. He gave an exasperated, frustrated sigh and walked out the door, the contraption hissing shut behind him. Outside, I could hear the muffled sound of our son asking him what was wrong, but Carth evidently didn't answer.

Dustil walked in a moment later, looking as concerned as a boy his age could be. "Mommy," he asked me, "what's wrong with Daddy?"

* * *

The next few days were strained for the whole family. Though Carth was at home, he was distant and moody; I think that he thought that it was no use explaining his motives to me. I'm not sure whether I agreed with him or not. As for Dustil – well, Carth and I had a lot of small fights during that time, and I know that it bothered him. I don't know if he realized what the underlying tension was about, but he was a smart boy and he must have known that _something_ was wrong; he seemed to, anyways – he was often quiet and worry seemed to be permanently engraved on to his face.

* * *

I was lying in our bed, trying unsuccessfully to sleep. I was too worried about Carth's up and coming departure. Though his leaving wasn't imminent, it was coming soon and I didn't want him to leave.

As my thoughts ventured among the various possibilities – each one a different portrayal of my husband's death – I heard the bedroom door hiss open and the soft _pit-pat_ of my husband's feet. Moments later, the quiet and rhythmic sound stopped and I felt myself fall slightly; Carth had sat down on the bed. I then felt the warmth of his hand on my arm, moving back and forth lovingly.

"Are you awake?" he whispered, albeit a bit loudly.

I began to roll over to face him and his hand quickly darted away. I sat up, looked him in the eye and said, "Yes."

He smiled slightly and looked down to the floor. "I – I wanted to, to talk to you. Abou – about my – about the war."

A small and almost imperceptible nod was my response.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I – you know – you know that it's not, it's not just the fact that they're making me go… You know that I want to go, right?"

I sighed and looked downwards. "Carth," I said quietly, "I – I know. I just – I don't want to see you get hurt. If anything were to happen to you –"

"Shh," he interrupted. I felt his hand lift my chin gently, causing me to look directly into his eyes. I was surprised to see that they were wet with unshed tears. "Morgana, I have to leave, I have to help. If I don't – if I don't go, the Mandalorians could come here and I can't let that happen. I'm going to protect you!"

I took his hand – the one that was previously under my chin – and held it, stroking it with my thumb. "But why can't you protect us here Carth? Dustil needs you, I need you!"

A small smile formed on his face. "You and Dustil are strong, you two can fend for yourselves for a while. I have faith in you."

I sighed. Though I still didn't want him to go, I knew that I had already lost the argument, and I would rather that he left on good terms. "You're – you're right, I suppose. I just – I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll keep myself safe. For you."

"Promise me."

He gently tilted my face upwards and looked into my eyes. "I promise."

* * *

I stood with my arms crossed in an attempt to shield myself from the cold, but I was unsuccessful. The harsh wind flew through my hair, playing with it and teasing it until it had formed several tendrils, waving and twitching above my head. My son stood beside me, similarly shaped, though his hair was shorter, thus, instead of forming many strings of hair, it fanned out and was waving slightly.

From a small distance away, I could see Carth speaking to his shuttle's Captain. My husband nodded, gave the man his bag and clapped him on the back companionably. Unconsciously, I bit my lip.

Carth was leaving.

Though I had been steeling myself for this moment, nothing could prepare me for it. The man hadn't even left yet, and already, I was faced with a crushing loneliness. How would I cope when he and the shuttle left orbit?

Carth's touch brought me back to the present. The knuckle of his pointer finger was bent and it stroked my arm gently. I looked up into my husband's deep brown eyes, which were regarding me guardedly. When my eyes met his, he smiled slightly, but it was a fake smile. He was just trying to make light of the situation, in order to make me feel better.

Seeing his face, his eyes, his smile -- I became overcome with emotion and tackled my husband, grasping him tightly. Though he seemed surprised and taken aback at first, he gave into the hug and held onto me, even tighter than I held onto him. Tears welled in my eyes, and though I tried my hardest not to let them fall, fall they did.

I buried my face into his shoulder and whispered desperately. "So there's nothing I can say that will change your mind."

"No," Carth whispered in response, his face lost in my hair.

I inhaled deeply in an effort to block the fresh wave of tears that were about to come. Though I was trying my best not to cry on my husband's beloved jacket, I couldn't stop the few that had escaped. We stood there for a few moments, lost in each other.

"Carth," I began, yet I stopped. I didn't want to have to say it.

"Mhm?"

I turned towards his ear and whispered directly into it. "Carth," I said softly, savoring the name slightly. "Kee -- Keep your promise."

He pulled back, and reluctantly, I let go. He tilted my chin, causing me to look upwards into his eyes. A few stray tears ran down his cheek. "I will."

With one last regretful look at me, Carth knelt down to Dustil's level and began saying goodbye, trying his best to explain the situation to our young son. I didn't really pay attention to what was said, I was too busy forcing myself not to beg for him to stay. I bit my lip again; I was surprised that scars hadn't formed.

My husband got up from the ground and began to walk away from Dustil and I. My teeth sank deeper into my lip as I tried my very best not to cry; it was so difficult to see him walk away. Through my unblinking eyes, I could see my love turn around and begin to walk backwards, waving gently. Despite feeling desperately overwhelmed, I forced myself to commit this scene to my memory; this could be the last time I would ever see him. From the way he was looking at us, I could tell that Carth was doing the same.

He turned back around, facing the shuttle; he was close to entering it now. In that moment, seconds after he turned around, my feelings overcame me and I began to run. I ran as fast as I could, pushing all of my emotions into my pumping legs, using all of my disparity and loneliness as fuel. Within a few moments, I had reached my husband, arriving just before he entered the shuttle. Still filled with adrenaline, I grabbed his hand and jerked him towards me, forcing him to turn around. I caught a brief glimpse of his shocked face before my mouth desperately crashed into his, catching both he and I off-guard. Despite the mutual surprise, my mouth and his parted in perfect harmony as we both fell into the passion of the moment.

Though I wanted this moment to last forever, eventually, I pulled back, taking both of his hands and gazing into his eyes. "I love you."

His hands squeezed mine. "I love you too."

And with that, we both regretfully let go of each other, though we spared a few seconds to gaze at the other. I watched Carth enter the shuttle, locking his gaze with mine until the door closed. The ship powered up and began its lift-off sequence; I stepped back accordingly.

The shuttle began to lift-off, the whooshing wind raising my hair up with it. The loneliness that I had previously felt -- which I had described as crushing -- was nothing compared to the despair I felt now. Despite my very best efforts, the tears that I had been so bravely holding back began a free-fall, staining my eyes and face.

I felt a small nudge against my hand and looked down to see Dustil attempting to hold it. To my surprise, I found that he too was crying, though not as much as I was; perhaps he understood the situation better than Carth and I had thought. I took his hand and he and I looked at each other for a moment, then back to the sky, where the navy shuttle was fading away quickly. We stood like that together, watching, until the ship disappeared.

And, in those precious few moments, I realized that life would never be as it was.

* * *

_Disclaimer:_

_I don't own Carth, Dustil, or Morgana. Or the Mandalorians. Or anyone, for that matter:P._

_Note:_

_Yet another story I've written for the ladies on CC, which I'm entering in one of our contests._


End file.
